When Talk Becomes Cheap, Words Become Meaningless
So many people around me complain that we talk and talk about hanging out, but somehow never actually do. We talk about plans to go here or do this. We even say “I’ll be there” and then back out at the last minute. We complain about the “flakiness” around us, but a lot of us do it too.
If no one else follows through on what they say—even their commitments—then why should I?
When I was at Duke for grad school, it seemed particularly bad. I didn’t have a car, and I sometimes relied on other people for rides. Too many times I was flaked out on. I kept feeling a like there must be this disconnect between me and other people. They seemed nice, and yet untrustworthy. When I talked about things I really meant it, but I never knew when they did. I felt so alone, but eventually I realized I wasn’t.
I made plans for Szechuan food with a Chinese friend. She must have texted and called me six times to make sure I was really coming. Eventually, she shared that she had been flaked out on a lot. She also struggled with the lack of collaboration and mutual help. People weren’t used to sharing textbooks or studying together. None of this made sense to her, so she thought that people just didn’t like her. Eventually, a group of about 10 people from 8 different countries began to meet every week for dinner and comparing notes.
Since then, I’ve learned that Americans have the reputation of being some of the most talkative and “friendly” people in the world. And yet, those who spend more time in our midst discover that our talk is generally very cheap. We talk more than we do, whether it’s sticking to a new workout plan, or getting coffee with that one friend. Perhaps it shouldn’t be a surprise that talking about things makes you less likely to do them. When we talk about it, we get a little bit of the satisfaction as if we actually did the thing, and then lose motivation.
And yes, we shun commitment. The informality and individualism of our culture means we don’t want to beholden to anything or anyone, and we don’t feel we have the right to hold others accountable either.
On top of that, we are inundated by words and information, most of which has some tinge of a sales pitch or propaganda. Everyone’s trying to sell us something. Everything seems to have an angle. And with our leaders, each lie or indecency seems to be worse than the last. The stream of outrages and mistruths is so constant, that we can’t keep up with the fact-checking. Like many other things in our increasingly disconnected world talk is manufactured, talk is abundant, talk is disposable, and talk is cheap.
But there are real consequences. Like the plastic we so easily use and toss, the ripple effects of cheap talk will always outlast the words themselves. “The tongue is small, and yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by so small a flame! Humankind has tamed every wild animal, but not the tongue…it is a restless evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:5-8).
In this environment, it’s no surprise that the word “truth” has become almost meaningless, along with words in general. Our religious institutions are afflicted too, with increasing numbers of young people leaving the church, not because science has debunked the Bible, but because the church has debunked itself by failing to live up to its own message. We long to see a place where there’s consistency and coherence, and where our increasingly urgent questions about God and the meaning of life can be safely discussed. But we read the Bible, and don’t think the church looks very much like Jesus. In the current political climate, it doesn’t even look like the values we were raised with.
Even in the best of cases, we boast of being a “family” and being a “community” and “making disciples” but the way we actually spend our time and money doesn’t prioritize these things—let alone prioritizing the poor and marginalized like Jesus and the apostles urged. We spend more time on being “incredible” and to meet the expectations of other Christians than on just being credible.
The time has come to show far more care in our words, to say less and to do more. The time has come to seriously think about “integrity” and what that word really means. The time has come to be okay with the humility of silence, with having no opinion or having nothing to say. And the world is desperate to hear words of true confession, backed up by action. The world is desperate for what is not just words, but true encounter, true communion, and authentic spirituality “not in word only, but in deed.”
